My deepest apologies

I have an admission. I am not really a nerd. I suspect that if I applied the the International Summit of Nerds they would laugh at my foolishness and make me into an in-joke absolutely incomprehensible to the rest of humankind. I can't programme a computer; I only know three digits of pi; I gave up my glasses for contact lenses; I don't even watch Doctor Who: I am dead to nerd-land. There are probably people who would describe me as a swot, but the main problem with this theory is that I don't actually work hard, or at all. I have a pack of English revision tasks, with a couple of tasks to do each day of the holidays, and 9 days in I haven't done one yet. Every single detention I have ever received has been due to not doing homework. I know it's hard to believe guys, but really, I'm not a swot.  
I could be a teacher's pet, but I don't actually like teachers. I think my best chance is a geek. Or just a sociopath. I'm sorry for misleading you my child.