DAY 23

A song you want to play at your wedding...
Um, at the minute I don't think I'll ever get married, as everyone of the opposite sex seems to hate me... Not that I'd ever be unawkward enough to actually talk to a boy I liked even if he was prepared to talk to me. I use too many made up words (and sentence structures) such as 'unawesome'. Yes my friends, yet another one of those fridays where the friday magic failed to happen. Although this week I can't blame anyone for it. Actually I might blame sports day, because sports day can't fight back. I'll begin with athletics in general: near the end of the summer term, in PE the sun beams gloriously down from the sky, children skip merrily through the fields, Ruth wonders if she might actually wear shorts rather than 'Trackie Bees lyk hew' for PE this week- although the answer is invariably no, the thought DOES happen- and a general feeling of contentment falls over the school. At 20 past 11, students frisk and gambol down to the sports hall, where they then happily ask their teacher that most joyful of questions: 'Miss, please can we play rounders'. Just to clarify, rounders is one of my favourite sports, as the rules were drilled so thoroughly into my head at primary school that even as an overweight, unpopular and generally annoying year 7 there was one sport I could participate properly in, because I knew all about the rules of misfielding, the 'runassoonastheballleavesthebowlershands,runNOW!' rule and various other things about no-balls, backwards hits and running out. Anyway, flowing back to the plot as smoothly as tributary runs into a river (see, I did listen in Geography!), we had just asked permission to engage in the noble sport of rounders. And now miss is about to break our young innocent hearts. She says 'No, we're doing athletics'. Darkness creeps back into the forests of the world, rumour grows of a shadow in the east, whispers of a nameless fear. Um, but if it did have a name, it would be 'the 1500 metres'. Some of the weak in the class actually collapse at this point, their deaths will be on the heads of the PE department. Those of us left fight on in their memories, but to no avail. Our teacher is no more than a sergeant of the enemies army: she has no option but to carry out her orders. So we march out, steeled to our doom. Now, I have to explain the problem with athletics: there are so many bloody events that we don't actually get taught anything about them, we just run through them, one a lesson, until the end of term. So no one who doesn't practise in their spare time doesn't get better. And this problem comes to a head with the running races. Only about 7 people can race at a time, so the participants are basically performing to the whole of their year group. And what happens is this: those people who are good at running have been part of a running club, and have been practising for this moment the whole year. They excel, sprinting off into the distance and within seconds are around the bend, and on the other side of the track, so their loving fans and spectators can hardly see them, never mind appreciate how fabulous they are at running. What their loving fans are watching are all the plebs who are jogging, panting, hyperventilating and occasionally passing out behind them. Watching someone blubbering along like a beached whale is just more FUN than watching someone show off at something they are good at. And honestly, who can run for 1500m? It isn't normal. I was once beaten by 6 minutes at the 1500m by friend, who has ASTHMA! So unsurprisingly, I don't go to sports day. But as has been pointed out to me before 'the only good thing about standing around in your PE kit doing nothing all day is that all the fittest lads are doing exactly the same thing'. But I've decided it's really not worth it. Or, in fact, anything to do with my wedding...
It occurs to me that I haven't actually told you what I did today while boycotting sports day. I instead had to be part of 'curriculum day'; a day where nothing that will actually help you in life can be taught, because if it was it would be unfair on those doing sports. In the morning I did a puppet show about the effects of drugs, in the afternoon I designed a box to keep sherbert in. Once you realise that most people had gone to sports day, and everyone else had skived, you realise that everyone in school was basically crap at excercise, but not brave enough for truancy. So not many people appreciated me and my best friends own unique brand of humour to do with cannabis, or our amazing skill with accents. It was wasted on them. I think I will skive next curriculum day/house day/sports day.